The last weeks

OK, so I haven't written in months.... There haven't been any super positive things to write about, and frankly I've just been counting the days until the pregnancy is over. I'm now at 38 weeks, nobody ever thought I would get this far - and the girls are still making no signs of wanting to come out.

Saturday June 12th we went to the hospital, I had started getting contractions and hoped the girls were on their way out. They kept me in hospital for about 2 hours, told me the contractions were regular at 6-8 minutes and that I had dilated 1 cm, but that I needed to dilate more. We were sent home with instructions of coming back when the contractions were regular every 5 minutes - which could happen in 1 hour or in 3-4 days. They consoled me by saying I would definitely not last until 28 June when the scheduled C-section is planned, the process had started! We were soooo thrilled, mainly to finally meet the girls, but also for me to finally not be pregnant anymore.

Monday 14 June in the evening we went back to the hospital - the contractions were more painful than Saturday, and were regular every 5 minutes. The doctors once again checked everything, agreed that the contractions were regular but told me I had still not dilated any more than Saturday - if I don't dilate I'm not ready to give birth. Once again, we were sent home with instructions of coming back when the contractions were regular every 3 minutes, or of course if my water broke. Home we went again....

Wednesday 16 June the mucus-plug came out. I won't go into details, if you don't know what it is, feel blessed - it was GROSS!!!!! Especially because it landed on my thumb, yuck!! I called the hospital, they said it was another step in the process and that I was even closer to the birth now, but no need to come in unless the contractions came every 3 minutes. I was soooooo excited!!

Friday evening, June 18th, we went back to the hospital - the contractions were regular every 2-3 minutes and very painful. We were convinced that this would be the day, I had been having contractions for a week, it was the 3rd time we went to the hospital that week - lucky 3s and all - and the contractions were stronger than ever before.
I was checked, observed, and after a few hours told that I had still not dilated, time to go home again. I couldn't believe it! I tried telling the doctors that "the process" had been going on for 1 week, I was in pain, I was fed up, I couldn't handle it anymore. But they were cold and said if I didn't dilate there was nothing they could do. Home we went again.....

We figured that though the doctors had said I wouldn't make it to the 28th, we should probably count on it happening that day. As it turns out, I'm born 16 days late by C-section because my mom also didn't dilate, and my brother was born by C-section for the same reason. I guess it runs in the family.

But then I had a horrible night the night of Tuesday 22 June, and in the morning I was in so much pain I could hardly handle it. Finally I called Albert at work and said I had to go back to the hospital, the pain was unbearable. And it was a different kind of pain, further down and kind of deeper than the other times, so I assumed it was because I was probably dilating - not that I have any clue what that feels like, but I decided it must feel like that.
The doctors checked me again, measured the contractions and after a few hours told me I had not dilated at all and the contractions were clearly not birth-contractions. Again I tried everything, told them I couldn't handle the pain, asked them to perform the C-section that day, what difference would 6 days make? The girls were big enough to be born, I was almost at 38 weeks which is full-term for twins and my belly was the size of a basketball. But there was no sympathy whatsoever, and less than 2 hours later we were in a taxi going home again. I cried all the way home, and for hours after. That day I finally realized nothing would happen until the planned cesearian the 28th.

Today is Friday June 25th, officially only 3 days left. Albert suggested I call the hospital to find out what exactly will happen on Monday - will they do the c-section that day, can I eat normally during the day, do we have to bring the bag, etc. And SHOCK - more bad news.... Though we were originally told that the 28th would be the day the pregnancy ended if nothing happened before, they told me on the phone this morning that it was just an appointment for an "evaluation" - they're just going to see how I'm doing, how the girls are and how the pregnancy is coming along. I could theoretically risk being sent home again.....
I will do everything I possibly can to avoid that happening, I can't handle being pregnant anymore, and I want to hold our girls. The pregnancy is becoming such a drag that I'm starting to worry I will feel recentment towards the girls if it doesn't stop soon, which would be absolutely terrible!! I can't sleep at night, I have no appetite, I feel sad and cry way too often, I need for it to be over!!! I will be 39 weeks pregnant on Monday, a great achievement with twins. It should be possible to convince the doctors on Monday - here's crossing my fingers!!